Friday, December 4, 2009

My Divided Heart

During the end of our R&R time, I experience a wide array of emotions regarding my DH going back to the sandbox.  

My DH told me that he wanted to actually go back to Iraq during this time and this information really hit me hard.  My first thought was "WTF... he wants to leave me?  He's rather be in Iraq than be with me?" 

Now I don't know how many of you out there know this but I am SUPER FUN.  I can liven up a party with one smile and I am full of fun and interesting facts!  Alright, seriously.  Most people find me pretty entertaining (mostly because they laugh AT me).  

So I was really hurt by his words.  He explained that he wanted to go back because it was his duty, because of our financial goals, because he knew that he didn't have a choice.  But, I know that if he had a choice of staying home or going back to Iraq, he definitely would consider going back and finishing his tour.  

I feel as though I must reiterate this important fact.  I am REALLY fun be around.  I cook, I clean (neurotic clean), I watch ESPN (even though I seriously hate it), I try my hardest not to nag, I play video games, I am great in bed (oh you knew this was coming), etc... What would even make him consider finishing his tour!

Alright, I know I shouldn't take it personally but sometimes you can't help that way.  Being apart from one another is really difficult and I would really want my DH to choose me over everything else on this earth.  However, I realized that he wants to finish his mission; I can recognize how important his military duty is to him.  

Although it logically all makes sense, I wish my heart would follow my mind...


HellcatBetty said...

I've SO been there. It's incredibly difficult to understand as you're the person home waiting and crying and missing him... but my DH has said that in the past too. And I get it, I really do, but it still hurts to hear.

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