My Knitting Project: Preemie Caps + Heart Blanket

If you ever read my bio (check it out... top left) you would know that I am an avid knitter.  I was just chilling at my parent's place tonight and decided to finish my latest projects: A Preemie Cap and a Heart Blanket.

I have seriously been working on the Heart blanket for over 1.5 years.  Yes... a year and a half.  Why?  Because this was one of my first knitting projects.  I am such a perfectionist that I started this blanket more than 10 times! Don't believe me?  Ask my DH... he'll tell you how I screamed at him each time I made a mistake.  I'd rant and rave that he was talking too loudly or that he touched me at a crucial point in my project.  I didn't know how to fix any of my mistakes which caused me to pull the entire thing apart and would drive my DH up the wall because he couldn't understand how I could just rip apart an entire afternoon's worth of work!

But I have improved (Thank GOODNESS) and I am finally FINISHING my projects.  I hope you guys all enjoy them!

Back Off!

I need people to stop asking me how I'm doing.  My usual response is "I am doing fine.  Don't worry about me."  That translates into "If you don't stop ****ing asking me about how I'm doing, I'm going to smack you."

How the (bleep) do you think I'm doing?!  How would you feel if you were in my shoes? My husband is deployed on his second tour to Iraq, I'm living alone with my two cats.  I AM MISERABLE PEOPLE!  IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR?!  Do you really want to hear that I'm having a hard time letting go and that the entire wait is killing me?  Do you want to hear that my stress level is so high lately that I'm gaining weight and that I'm breaking out like crazy?!  DO YOU?!?!  Do you really want to talk to me about how poorly I'm doing and how unhappy I am? No!  You don't want to hear the whole story!!!!!!!!!!!

No wonder I burden my friends with talking about him incessantly (I'm sorry R.L.).  Seriously!  I hate all couples so I like to avoid ALL public places.

Seriously, people.  If you don't want to know... PLEASE STOP ASKING ME!!!

My DH is Nick Lachey?

I just had a very interesting dream.  In my dream, my best friend asked me to double date with him.  This is where I met my boyfriend, Nick Lachey, an Army officer (go figure...).

According to my dream, I was an underground operative, resisting the powers of the evil government.  Now Nick and I were both fighting against this powerful regime and I was in charge of paperwork for some operation.  We both load up into our van (we sat all the way in the back while the rest of our team got in) and as he checks my folder of massive paperwork, insisting that something is missing.  I start to panic and quickly double check everything when Nick announces that he has the missing paperwork.

When I turn around to face him, he is holding out a little clear plastic bag with the words "Clear Sky Jewelry" etched on the front.  In the midst of all the tissue paper lies a little velvet box.  I immediately start freaking out and hyperventilating as he asks me if I would marry him!

The ring is beautiful... a vintage style ring with a huge diamond in the middle and tiny little pearls surrounding the stone yet some of the pearls were missing.  I am floored and completely speechless as he explains that the ring belonged to his Great Grandmother and has been passed down for generations which accounts for the missing gems. He promises me that he would have the pearls replaced after a year.

I am delighted none-the-less (I mean it's Nick Lachey....!)  and nod happily at the notion that we will get married.  At this point I asked him why it would take him a year to get the ring repaired.  In the midst of making out with him... I realize that he has been caught by the government for illegal activities against them and he would have to go to prison for a year.  He was proposing to me while en route to the courthouse....

Of course this is when I woke up.  I'm pretty sure that Nick Lachey is suppose to be the representation of my DH.  The proposal that I received from my DH was absolutely amazing;  although I did have an inkling that it was coming.  Nick's proposal was a complete surprise and it was nice to see what that felt like.

Now, the fact that Nick was going to prison... I attribute to this to the fact that this is how it felt to have my DH deploy to Iraq.  The Ring?  Well, my DH's going away present was my awesome blackberry storm...  The paperwork... Argh... my DH is a freak about making sure I am always prepared and double checks everything that I do.

Ah... that was a good night's rest ... even though I technically dream cheated on my DH....

Boudoir Photos

A very close friend of mine is a professional photographer.  Her work is pretty amazing.  Feel free to check her out at :Triple 8 Photography.  If you're in the Albuquerque area and interested in finding someone to take beautiful photos of you, she's your girl!

We were talking today about how many people ask her for boudoir photos.  She explained that many people now take boudoir pictures for their future husband-to-be.  They order albums that they present to their Fiance on the day of their wedding (talk about something to look forward too!).

Knowing that my DH is not reading my blog, I am considering getting some done for him.  Boudoir photos are not necessarily erotic (unless you want them to be...) but can be done very tastefully.  I think there might be some rule about how explicit materials are not allowed to be shipped to deployed soldiers... also, the mail is checked before your soldier receives his packages.  But I'm not worried about other soldiers looking through any photos that I send my DH as long as they like what they see =P

Seriously, though.  I think I'd like to get some photos and send them to my husband before he comes back from his deployment.... so that he has something to look forward to.  What does everyone else think?

Army Navy 2009

I will be updating soon... hopefully with good news.... never mind... that was depressing....

Silent Treatment

My DH and I are fighting.  I am giving him the silent treatment.  This means that my phone has been turned off and my email has not been read since Sunday.

There are many times when my DH has stated that I do not present him in the best light on this blog.  However, I think that there are times when I present him in as the world's best military husband.  This is not the reason why we're fighting.  

It is not my intention to put my DH down.  We are not the world's most perfect couple; we definitely have our share of marital problems.  My DH is deployed and this makes our relationship complicated in ways that are completely different from a civilian marriage.  So, please don't give me any advice or opinion unless you really understand my situation or empathize with what I am going through.  If not, I will rip your comment apart if I deem it even remotely stupid.

Now, I don't want comments that tell me that giving him the silent treatment is bad for our marriage.  Really, I'm a full time family therapist; I'm not stupid.  However, if I were to speak to him right now, I would not be able to do so in a calm or rational manner.

Perhaps when I am no longer angry (I have no idea when this will be) I will update more frequently.  Right now, I am extremely unhappy about being a military spouse (which makes my blog name even more significant).

I wish...

I wish I were married to a marine.

If I am wishing for anything, I wish were married to a civilian. Then I wouldn't have to deal with this s***** deployment.

My Divided Heart

During the end of our R&R time, I experience a wide array of emotions regarding my DH going back to the sandbox.  

My DH told me that he wanted to actually go back to Iraq during this time and this information really hit me hard.  My first thought was "WTF... he wants to leave me?  He's rather be in Iraq than be with me?" 

Now I don't know how many of you out there know this but I am SUPER FUN.  I can liven up a party with one smile and I am full of fun and interesting facts!  Alright, seriously.  Most people find me pretty entertaining (mostly because they laugh AT me).  

So I was really hurt by his words.  He explained that he wanted to go back because it was his duty, because of our financial goals, because he knew that he didn't have a choice.  But, I know that if he had a choice of staying home or going back to Iraq, he definitely would consider going back and finishing his tour.  

I feel as though I must reiterate this important fact.  I am REALLY fun be around.  I cook, I clean (neurotic clean), I watch ESPN (even though I seriously hate it), I try my hardest not to nag, I play video games, I am great in bed (oh you knew this was coming), etc... What would even make him consider finishing his tour!

Alright, I know I shouldn't take it personally but sometimes you can't help that way.  Being apart from one another is really difficult and I would really want my DH to choose me over everything else on this earth.  However, I realized that he wants to finish his mission; I can recognize how important his military duty is to him.  

Although it logically all makes sense, I wish my heart would follow my mind...