Monday, March 1, 2010

The Makings of a Stepford Military Spouse - RANK

You married the man, not the rank ... right? There are so many military wives out there who wear their husbands rank as their own. This REALLY gets on my nerve.

What really gets me is that the military promotes this sort of behavior! For example, my DH and I just had a huge discussion about how I would have to become *very* active in the FRG if he were to become a Company Commander. This really pisses me off. WHY?! Why do I have to take time out of my schedule and join the FRG? Alright, fine. Everyone has to go to the meetings. BUT, why do I have to ACTIVELY participate?! What difference does it make that I married an officer vs. enlisted soldier?

My DH explained that my behaviors would be a reflection on his military career. We would have to set an example to other military couples. Are you kidding me? I would make the WORSE role models for young couples. My DH and I fight all the time. What in the world would they learn from us?!

This also means that I can never make a mistake. I have to be the flawless military spouse all the time and that's an act that I'm really going to have trouble perfecting.

I married my DH for his kind and genuine heart, not because he was an officer. I didn't marry him so that I could lead a FRG (which I don't have to do ... thank GOD!). I don't want to constantly have to make small talk with people I don't know or don't care to know. As you can tell, I am pretty darn picky about my friends.

I don't want to have petty arguments with other uptight wives who believe that they are better than other people due to their husband's rank? Did you earn it?! You are not entitled to the rank because you don't wear it! And I am willing to bet that if all those wives married enlisted men, they would have actually been normal. We're all on the same team!

My commitment: I will strive to do my best to NEVER EVER EVER allow my DH's to become my own. Also, I will NEVER get involved with the military politics that involve rank related activities on post. 

Please do not misunderstand me but I don't love the military. I am very proud of my DH and support him and his career but I cannot wait until we get out of the Army.

Now, do you think that I should be a company commander's wife? I really think not. I am seriously the world's worst military spouse.

*If my DH gets this company command position and someone we knew read my blog, I'd be really screwed... there aren't that many Korean American couples in the Army.*


Christian Mommy Writer said...

We don't wear rank, but let us do something wrong. It will definitely affect the career of our husbands. Politics are something else, aren't they? :-)

Just be you and don't feel that you have to overburden yourself with tons of FRG activities. At the end of the day, it's your husband's performance on the job that will get him his promotion, not how many tea parties you host. :-)

Amanda said...

Pfffft. I don't wear my husband's rank, and if something's ate up, I'll be the first one to point it out. Sure my husband has been told to "control his wife" before, but it was all for show. They knew I was right. It hasn't hurt his career in the least. Although, my husband has no aspirations of becoming a General either. We both hate the politics and butt kissing that accompany each increasing rank - especially since I don't kiss anyone's butt.

Nuclear Wife said...

award at my blog!

Cassie said...

I know exactly what you mean on this one. My husband wants me to run for an officer position in the FRG because it will make him look good. Hell no. I don't even like most of the women that I have met at the FRG meetings!

Hannah Noel said...

I know how ya feel. Mr. Air Force has explained to me that the higher up he goes in his rank, the more responsibility I'll have when it comes to Spouses' clubs, socials, meetings, big events, settling arguments, etc. His mom went through it all with his father. I guess if it helps him though, I'll be glad to do it. I guess it doesn't bother me that much, but I still understand where you're coming from!

Scatterbrain said...

Isn't it total BS? I was recently informed that if I get traffic tickets on post, HE will get in trouble, or at the very least, be scolded for it. Its the most ridiculous crap I've ever heard in my life!!

My soon-to-be-hubs is an officer too, and I'm definitely not looking forward to experiencing this 'hierarchy' I keep hearing about.

Maureen said...

Just found your blog today and it is SOOOO refreshing. My husband is an officer as of Jan, we're about to PCS in April, and if I hear of one more thing I HAVE to do because I'm a "military wife" now- I'm going to heave.

Your job, your choice- I'll support you, but don't force me to be a part of it. I can't wait until we're done either...

Anonymous said...

If it helps you feel any better, my husband is a colonel in the Air Force and a commander, yet I have NEVER fallen into the whole notion that I, as his wife, must play a certain role in order to further his career. I have NEVER attended an Officer's Wives Club meeting (and likely never will)and have NEVER attended any function that I did not wish to attend. Nor has my husband ever expected me to do these things. It has always been our belief that he will achieve his rank/promotions based on his own merits and not mine. That is not to say that I have not spent the past 23 years supporting his crazy career choice, forced-smiling through the multitudes of PCSs, and standing strong through Desert Storm, OIF and OEF deployments. I've done those things, but not because if want him to excel in his career, but because he is my husband and I support the choices he makes.

Cannibal Panda said...

I've never played the "game" either. Only once did it adversely affect my husband, and that was years ago when he was a cpt. The commanders wife sold that shakley stuff and was promoting it at her coffees, which was conduct I found distasteful- and so refused to attend. She got all upset and told her husband, who then told my husband I had to attend. I said "Yeah, right. Not gonna happen." As a result husband was treated pretty poorly, but he did his job so they really couldn't do anything about it.

Not so long ago there used to be a comment block in the rater or senior rater area of the OER where they could comment about the wife. That was done away with right before Husband got into the army so I never had to deal with THAT. Poor guy would have really suffered I fear, since I don't play the rank game. When people ask what my husband does I usually can't even tell them much unless it's an easy job to remember like "commander". The G3, S3, etc jobs I can never remember. Heck- I'm lucky to remember the darned unit. I guess I could qualify for your worst wife club huh? :)

Kristine said...

This is a hilarious look at women wearing rank in the military,

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