Selfish

My poor DH.  Sometimes I really wonder what he was thinking when he proposed to me.  I really do think that he got the short end of the stick.  I'm not intentionally putting myself down (trust me, I've got a pretty big ego) but I've got a very long list of faults and yet he still wants to be with me.  Maybe he's a bit crazy!

One of my biggest flaws is how selfish I am.  Like most couples, my DH and I have loans that we need to pay off before we can consider buying a place of our own.  However, I am obsessed about buying a home where we can settle down.  Yet, we can't do that until we figure out where my DH will be working permanently after his finishing his MBA.  At this point, we don't even have RFO's to our next duty station which we need to move to in April.  So I have to quit my job and find a new one, maybe move to the other side of the country and procure an apartment through the internet.

See how selfish I am?  I am not thinking about how we should probably be saving money for a better future.  I am thinking about how much I want to have children and raise them in a beautifully decorated home where I can entertain friends and live comfortably with my DH.  All I can think about is how awful it will be to move to a new place and leave behind my great job, my friends and family.

My DH is always looking out for our future and planning ahead.  He is trying to create a life where I could stay at home if I wanted (not that I could... seriously, I might go crazy if I don't work), take care of our future children, be a great homemaker, etc...  Me?  Yeah, I'm the wife that hasn't sent her spouse a care package in over three months (including the holidays).

"World's Worst Military Spouse"

at your service...

Korean American Couple #2

My DH and I are an anomaly in the U.S. Army.  We're both Korean Americans with strong ties to our cultural background.  Throughout the last five and a half years that we have been together, I have never met another Korean American* couple until today.

It was just so strange!  Here was another living breathing couple who actually understand the acronym "MiTT" and the words "Kimchi".  This couple was stationed in Fort Carson at the same time as my DH and we know people in common separately from my past and from my DH's past (people we met before my DH and I even met one another).

There is a very special bond between each and every military spouse because we can truly understand and sympathize with one another about all the positive and negative aspects of the military.  I am really glad that I got a chance to meet D and S today.  Just the knowledge that another Korean American military couple exist is amazing to me.

* Now just to be clear, my DH and I have met other Asian couples in the Army.  We've also met other Korean couples in the military.  However, we have never met another Korean American couple and yes! There is a difference.  I identify myself as a first generation Korean American woman for the following reasons: 1. My parents came over to the US from Korea, making me 1st generation**.  2. I was born and educated in the U.S.  3. I speak both Korean and English.  However, there is no universal definition that categories you as a "Korean American."  The above are my own personal explanations to why I identify myself as KA.

** I know that being born here would mean that I am 2nd generation according to other Americans.  However, Koreans do things a bit differently.  If you were born and educated in Korea and move to the U.S. as an adult (our parents) you would be identified as Korean.  If you were born and educated in Korea as well as the states and moved to the U.S. as a child, you would be identified as a ".5 generation" or a "F.O.B." (fresh off the boat).  If you were born and educated in the U.S. to Korean parents or parents of .5 generation, then you are typically considered "1st generation" or Korean American.

My Knitting Project: Preemie Caps + Heart Blanket

If you ever read my bio (check it out... top left) you would know that I am an avid knitter.  I was just chilling at my parent's place tonight and decided to finish my latest projects: A Preemie Cap and a Heart Blanket.

I have seriously been working on the Heart blanket for over 1.5 years.  Yes... a year and a half.  Why?  Because this was one of my first knitting projects.  I am such a perfectionist that I started this blanket more than 10 times! Don't believe me?  Ask my DH... he'll tell you how I screamed at him each time I made a mistake.  I'd rant and rave that he was talking too loudly or that he touched me at a crucial point in my project.  I didn't know how to fix any of my mistakes which caused me to pull the entire thing apart and would drive my DH up the wall because he couldn't understand how I could just rip apart an entire afternoon's worth of work!

But I have improved (Thank GOODNESS) and I am finally FINISHING my projects.  I hope you guys all enjoy them!

Back Off!

I need people to stop asking me how I'm doing.  My usual response is "I am doing fine.  Don't worry about me."  That translates into "If you don't stop ****ing asking me about how I'm doing, I'm going to smack you."

How the (bleep) do you think I'm doing?!  How would you feel if you were in my shoes? My husband is deployed on his second tour to Iraq, I'm living alone with my two cats.  I AM MISERABLE PEOPLE!  IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR?!  Do you really want to hear that I'm having a hard time letting go and that the entire wait is killing me?  Do you want to hear that my stress level is so high lately that I'm gaining weight and that I'm breaking out like crazy?!  DO YOU?!?!  Do you really want to talk to me about how poorly I'm doing and how unhappy I am? No!  You don't want to hear the whole story!!!!!!!!!!!

No wonder I burden my friends with talking about him incessantly (I'm sorry R.L.).  Seriously!  I hate all couples so I like to avoid ALL public places.

Seriously, people.  If you don't want to know... PLEASE STOP ASKING ME!!!

My DH is Nick Lachey?

I just had a very interesting dream.  In my dream, my best friend asked me to double date with him.  This is where I met my boyfriend, Nick Lachey, an Army officer (go figure...).

According to my dream, I was an underground operative, resisting the powers of the evil government.  Now Nick and I were both fighting against this powerful regime and I was in charge of paperwork for some operation.  We both load up into our van (we sat all the way in the back while the rest of our team got in) and as he checks my folder of massive paperwork, insisting that something is missing.  I start to panic and quickly double check everything when Nick announces that he has the missing paperwork.

When I turn around to face him, he is holding out a little clear plastic bag with the words "Clear Sky Jewelry" etched on the front.  In the midst of all the tissue paper lies a little velvet box.  I immediately start freaking out and hyperventilating as he asks me if I would marry him!

The ring is beautiful... a vintage style ring with a huge diamond in the middle and tiny little pearls surrounding the stone yet some of the pearls were missing.  I am floored and completely speechless as he explains that the ring belonged to his Great Grandmother and has been passed down for generations which accounts for the missing gems. He promises me that he would have the pearls replaced after a year.

I am delighted none-the-less (I mean it's Nick Lachey....!)  and nod happily at the notion that we will get married.  At this point I asked him why it would take him a year to get the ring repaired.  In the midst of making out with him... I realize that he has been caught by the government for illegal activities against them and he would have to go to prison for a year.  He was proposing to me while en route to the courthouse....

Of course this is when I woke up.  I'm pretty sure that Nick Lachey is suppose to be the representation of my DH.  The proposal that I received from my DH was absolutely amazing;  although I did have an inkling that it was coming.  Nick's proposal was a complete surprise and it was nice to see what that felt like.

Now, the fact that Nick was going to prison... I attribute to this to the fact that this is how it felt to have my DH deploy to Iraq.  The Ring?  Well, my DH's going away present was my awesome blackberry storm...  The paperwork... Argh... my DH is a freak about making sure I am always prepared and double checks everything that I do.

Ah... that was a good night's rest ... even though I technically dream cheated on my DH....