World's Worst Military Spouse

8 Worst Break Up Stories

2010-10-02T01:42:00.000-04:00

Check out 8 of the worst break up stories around the world.

My favorite has to be the one where the couple got divorced when the husband ran into his wife at a brothel! Lol... I'm not really sure who more at fault here - the wife prostituting herself or the husband patronizing the local sex house!

"Baby" Ruck March

2010-10-01T19:46:00.000-04:00

Last night, as my DH was packing his ruck sack with sleeping bags and textbooks, he told me he was going on a "baby ruck march." I must have given him a very confused look because he laughed and explained that he and his students would only be marching for 4 miles vs. the usual 10.

This led to another discussion about how he calls all his ROTC students "babies." Perhaps this is because he's married, is in the process of having a child, has more military experience and is older than all of his students. However, I feel a lot of sympathy for his students; I definitely would not want to report to my DH. As it turns out, he can be pretty scary when in his professional body. He confided that when his students don't call him "sir" or loiter around the halls, he turns on his scary voice and confronts them the situation.

My DH has told me time and again that I could never make it in the military and I think he's right. I would probably cry every time a superior came up to me and yelled at me or suggested that I did something incorrectly. Eh~ at least I married someone that could withhold that much punishment.

P.S. This post is a bit boring...

Our Second Ultrasound

2010-09-30T00:02:00.000-04:00

My DH and I had our second ultrasound last month but I wanted to upload a picture of our miracle. We are so excited about the birth of our son as he is the first grandchild for both our parents. Can't wait to meet our little boy!

I'm back!

2010-09-27T12:37:00.000-04:00

After a six month blogging hiatus, I am back! I've been running around California for the last six months frantically searching for a job and oh yeah, getting pregnant!

Turns out, I am six months pregnant and what an experience! I don't remember ever being so sick or uncomfortable in my life. Many people have told me and I assumed that you were suppose to gain weight during your pregnancy ... well, I spent the first four months throwing up and ended up losing ten pounds!

I also spent a lot of time yelling at my DH; especially when he would eat in front of me. When I had to take wine, sushi, all spicy foods out of my diet, I would longing look at my DH eat these things and was livid that he had the nerve to eat them in front of me. I had a complete meltdown whenever he would finish a bag of my favorite potato chips (the ones I could get down my throat without gagging) and would yelled at him to get more from the grocery store.

I am finally eating again and gaining weight! I now have a firm and round little belly and our baby (a little boy) has been kicking and flipping in my uterus so much so that I don't know if my bladder will be able to hold any more urine.

As for the "World's Worst Military Spouse" side of myself, my DH has been spending much of his time on campus as an ROTC professor. I have officially become an Army House-wife and I'm terrible at it. Do I clean? Sometimes... Do I make my DH a delicious dinner every night? Well, I made him Coq Au Vin the other night and he thought I made it with turkey rather than chicken. Do we have regular sex? Well, that's a private matter (you thought I was going to tell you all my dirty little secrets, didn't you?).

I promise to be more diligent about writing this is blog, even if no one reads it. I also promise to spend more time sprucing up my writing (which means that I will stop blogging as I am watching netflix movies).

Not Giving Up

2010-05-19T13:17:00.000-04:00

I am not giving up my blog! I am so sorry for not updating. With road trip from PA to CA, finding a place, a job, and trying to get settled, I have not had a moment to update this site.

However, I am currently (very slowly) working on updating this site so please bear with me for a few more weeks. Thank you!

Road Trip to California - Day One

2010-04-18T22:02:00.000-04:00

Day One - We have left NY and made it to Toledo, OH. Yikes, what a drive. The drive wasn't as terrible as I thought it would be. The only hiccup in our plans was how sick I felt this morning (morning sickness?... lol... I think not). I had a headache and felt nauseous but I felt much better after driving a couple of hours in our FULLY loaded Honda Civic.

My DH and I are doing a partial DITY to CA. This obviously saves us money and we'll actually get more travel pay back from the Army when the move is completed. However, I definitely think that this is the LAST partial DITY that we will participate in. I am definitely sick of the road trips, the bad food and the inability to stretch out my legs in the car.

Our next stop: Minneapolis (hopefully). Wish us luck!

*Enchante*

I can't post up my regular picture because the internet is too slow at our hotel...

Welcome Back to the States!

2010-04-17T10:32:00.000-04:00

My DH is finally home! Actually, he's been home for about two weeks ... I haven't posted his arrival back home because we've been too busy hanging out and doing the funky monkey... I'm just kidding (sort of). But on a more serious note, as much laughter, fun, and cuddling there has been in the last couple of weeks, there has been just as many arguments and fights as well.

The re-adjustment back to the States is definitely no easy task. Most of the time, it is extremely difficult for our soldiers to jump back into their roles of fathers, brothers, husbands, best-friend, etc... This is tough for the families back home to recognize because we got our soldier back home, safely, and all we want to do is have them fill the HUGE hole that's been missing in our lives for the past year.

For example, if my DH's job was to take out the garbage every night before he left, when he comes home, I expect him to do this daily duties at home. Ah... expectations. Unfortunately, for my DH, I expect him to take care of me in a more emotional way (I am SUPER demanding emotionally). It's not something you can see and just fix and I really believe my DH becomes extremely irritated and frustrated when I allow my emotions to dictate my actions.

So as happy as the reunion is ... here comes the aftermath of being separated from your spouse for over 15 months. Goodie. Welcome back, Soldier.

Gone With The Wind

2010-04-07T01:48:00.002-04:00

Gone with the Wind is one of my FAVORITE movies. I love period movies and after watching this particular film, I fell in love with Scarlett and Rhett's love affair.

Soon after watching the movie, my mother bought me a doll portraying Scarlett in her "curtain dress." However, the doll was lost when we moved into our new home. I tried searching for the doll online for over TEN YEARS but it was no where to be found ... until tonight! I finally... FINALLY found it!

I realized that this doll is made by the Tonner Doll Company and is officially called "My Mother Portieres." Although I can't really get the doll now, I am hoping that my DH will read this post and remember how much I love this doll.

In all truthfulness... I am just sooo glad that I finally found the doll. It sincerely reminds me of many different wonderful memories of my childhood...

Letter To A Soldier

2010-04-06T00:51:00.002-04:00

Someone was kind enough to nominate my blog to LettersToASoldier.com and it has been chosen to be represented among many other great blogs. Many thanks to those who read my blog and for your continual support. This blog has truly been a great blessing to me during these last few months without my DH and I sincerely appreciate all my followers.

I would sincerely appreciate everyone voting for my blog by clicking on the banner on the left-hand side, so that I might move up the ranking list! Thank again everyone!

My Job Description...

2010-03-30T00:41:00.000-04:00

I had this up on my facebook for a while but I thought that I would post it up here...

Army Wife

I am a supporter of the US Army. I am proud of my husband for serving his country. I am loyal to the vows we made on our wedding day. I try to encourage my husband each day (even when we are apart). I sincerely pray for his well being each night.

I spend our anniversaries, holidays and birthdays apart. I have spent more time apart from him than together. When he is deployed, I can not call him (which is especially frustrating if/when we have an argument).

I live where the Army tells me to live. My career is sometimes put on hold because I move around so much. I am on a first name basis with the workers at the post office because I mail so many packages. I can not hold my husband's hand on post when he is in uniform. I constantly worry about seeing two men dressed in Class A's approaching my door. I sleep alone. I patiently wait for my husband to return home from war.

"You Know You're A Military Spouse..."

2010-03-11T00:29:00.000-05:00

... you have enough camouflage in your house to wallpaper the White House ...

My DH does not throw out his ACU's ... ever. In preparation for our move to California, I was just rummaging through all our clothes and I found 7 pairs of ACU's in our main closet. This doesn't include the extra ACU's in trunks, the bureau, army bags, storage and the extra pairs of BDU's* lying around.

My DH recently sent me army box (the huge green metallic ones) from Iraq and when I opened it, surprise, surprise, I found another pair of ACU's. Did I mention that he has never bought a pair of ACU's... they are all Army issued...

Compared to other military personnel, I understand that my DH has a very low number of camouflage. Yet, I am sure that if I stacked all his uniforms it would definitely come up to my chest (and I'm pretty tall!).

At this point, I am sick of opening a drawer and uncovering another pair of ACU's ... can't wait until we get out!

* I miss the BDU's ... it made my DH look so sexy!!

Things You Should Not Say To A Military Spouse - Part I

2010-03-04T21:37:00.000-05:00

"This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."

A civilian friend of mine is in her first relationship... ever. During the summer, her boyfriend of seven months went away on vacation for ten days. The day before he was to return back to the states she had the audacity to tell me "This separation is more difficult for me and Tom because this is my first relationship and this is our first separation ever. You and your DH have been together for a long time and this is your second deployment, so it's easier for your guys..."

I was blown away by her comment. When my DH is deployed, I put up a front for my friends so I don't burden them with my disappointment, anger, resentment, and bitterness towards my relationship, my DH and the Army.

I acknowledge that this was this girl's first relationship and understand how difficult it must have been for to be separated from her first boyfriend for the first time especially since they've spent every day and every moment with one another.

However, is is never ok to comment on my personal experience. You don't know how I am dealing with my spouse's deployment. Yes, I have finally learned to cope; to sleep alone in my bed, to stop feeling anxious about every news report, to stop worrying so much that I lose sleep at night. Most of my civilian friends don't understand how difficult this time is for me; especially because I live off post and I don't have a strong support system of other military wives.

Please do not compare your 7 month relationship to my 5 year relationship with my DH (BTW we were married longer than the entire length of their relationship) and rationalize that your experience is more difficult than my own.

New Blog Layout

2010-03-03T21:02:00.000-05:00

I promised myself that once I got 30+ followers on my blog I would pay someone to redo my layout. One part of me is saying that I should wait until I have 50+ followers; the other part of me is telling me that I'll never get there so I might as well just shell out the cash now.

Now I know that there are a couple of people out there who will personalize a blog for some moolah but I really need suggestions. Please help me by posting some of your favorite designers! Thank you!

The Makings of a Stepford Military Spouse - RANK

2010-03-01T23:50:00.002-05:00

You married the man, not the rank ... right? There are so many military wives out there who wear their husbands rank as their own. This REALLY gets on my nerve.

What really gets me is that the military promotes this sort of behavior! For example, my DH and I just had a huge discussion about how I would have to become *very* active in the FRG if he were to become a Company Commander. This really pisses me off. WHY?! Why do I have to take time out of my schedule and join the FRG? Alright, fine. Everyone has to go to the meetings. BUT, why do I have to ACTIVELY participate?! What difference does it make that I married an officer vs. enlisted soldier?

My DH explained that my behaviors would be a reflection on his military career. We would have to set an example to other military couples. Are you kidding me? I would make the WORSE role models for young couples. My DH and I fight all the time. What in the world would they learn from us?!

This also means that I can never make a mistake. I have to be the flawless military spouse all the time and that's an act that I'm really going to have trouble perfecting.

I married my DH for his kind and genuine heart, not because he was an officer. I didn't marry him so that I could lead a FRG (which I don't have to do ... thank GOD!). I don't want to constantly have to make small talk with people I don't know or don't care to know. As you can tell, I am pretty darn picky about my friends.

I don't want to have petty arguments with other uptight wives who believe that they are better than other people due to their husband's rank? Did you earn it?! You are not entitled to the rank because you don't wear it! And I am willing to bet that if all those wives married enlisted men, they would have actually been normal. We're all on the same team!

My commitment: I will strive to do my best to NEVER EVER EVER allow my DH's to become my own. Also, I will NEVER get involved with the military politics that involve rank related activities on post.

Please do not misunderstand me but I don't love the military. I am very proud of my DH and support him and his career but I cannot wait until we get out of the Army.

Now, do you think that I should be a company commander's wife? I really think not. I am seriously the world's worst military spouse.

*If my DH gets this company command position and someone we knew read my blog, I'd be really screwed... there aren't that many Korean American couples in the Army.*

Upcoming Formal Events

2010-02-26T00:28:00.000-05:00

I love getting my hair, makeup and nails professionally done and I love going to formal events! However, most weddings are semi-formal which doesn't give me the opportunity to wear a beautiful ball gown. I checked online for "formal events" but all I get are these weird tuxedo sites.

So I have decided to upload a few upcoming formal events all over the US. Feel free to add more events or let me know where I can find more events!

Dallas, TX:
- Dallas Military Ball, Date: April 17, 2010 - Time: 5 PM to 1 AM. Location: InterContinental Hotel Addison, TX. Hosted by: US Army. Tickets: $35 - $175/pp

Greensboro, NC:
- North Carolina Army and Air National Guard Military Ball, Date: March 27, 2010. Location: Sheraton Greensboro Hotel at Four Seasons. Tickets: $48 - $73/pp

Philadelphia, PA:
- Philadelphia Fur Ball 2010, Date: March 27, 2010 - 8:00 PM to Midnight. Location: Loews Hotel 12th & Market. Hosted by: Morris Animal Refuge. Tickets: $99/pp

Los Angeles:
- The Masquerade Ball 2010, Date: March 21, 2010 - 7:30 PM to Midnight. Location: Los Angeles, somewhere.... Hosted by: Ay Que Productions. Tickets: $75 - $250/pp

Atlanta:
- 2010 Atlanta Human Rights Campaign Gala Dinner, Date: May 1, 2010 - TBD. Location: Hyatt Regency in Downtown, Atlanta. Hosted by: Atlanta Human Rights Campaign. Tickets: $100 - $200/pp

Austin, TX:
- Paramount Theatre's 94th Anniversary Gala, Date: May 15, 2010 - 6:00 PM to Midnight. Location: Paramount Threatre, Austin, TX. Hosted by: Paramount Theatre. Tickets: $200- $5000/pp

Scabies Scare!

2010-02-24T09:43:00.000-05:00

I have the weirdest allergies; I am allergic to all melons, mangos, bananas, apples, sunflower seeds, nickel*, and MSG. The usual symptoms include a mild irritation to severe contact dermatitis.

Lately, I have developed these strange looking, very itchy, red bumps on the back of my hands. My friend (a med student) took one look at my hand and exclaimed "OH MY GOSH, you have SCABIES! Get away from me!" I was seriously offended at her tone, mostly because I had no idea what scabies was.

As it turns out, it's a really contagious skin disease. So for two days I scratched the crap out of my hands which only seemed to itch at night and right after I washed my hands under hot water (symptoms of scabies). After being awake half the night, I went to the doctor and what do you know? I am allergic to the blue dye in my dish washing soap. Yup, blue dye.

So what does she recommend as the remedy? Bag Balm - a salve created to sooth irritation on cow udders. I wish I were kidding here but nope. Cow Udders! It's not even approved by the FDA for human use... However, many exclaim how they love the product; it can be used on diaper rashes to cracked skin and of course squeaky bed springs!

The Results: So I was a little freaked out when I bought it but found that Bag Balm has a slight medical smell but seems to really work. I woke up this morning with beautifully smooth skin. Two thumbs up to my doctor =D

* I was allergic to my first wedding ring because it had too much nickel in the gold.

My First Giveaway - My Cats!

2010-02-20T11:16:00.000-05:00

My First Giveaway will be my cats. Yes, unfortunately my DH and I need to give them away before moving to California.

Risky is my four year old, female cat. She was hit by a car when she was just a year old but has recovered beautifully! All her wonderful black, gray, white and orange soft fur has grown back magnificently. Paired with a set of gorgeous green eyes she is just the world's prettiest cat. Risky is an attention seeking whore though (I know, I know... but why censor myself on my own blog?) and will do anything to get you to pet her and scratch her belly.

Lucky is my two year old, male cat. My DH and I got him when he was just four weeks old! He was so little that we fed him cat formula with a little spoon. He has soft black hair with just a tousle of silver on his belly. He is so unique with his bright yellow and green eyes. He has a very spunky and fiery personality but he loves to cuddle up into my armpit and sleep with me at night.

My Giveaway Rules
1. Please help me find a good home by linking my blog to your blogs, facebook, twitter, or any other messaging site and please flood it out into the cyber world.
2. Email me back to worldsworstmilitaryspouse@gmail.com if you are interested in my cats.

So easy right? Thanks everyone!

Moving Qualms

2010-02-18T21:26:00.000-05:00

My DH and I had a little argument about our move plans. We are planning on moving into an apartment on a short term lease before moving into a more permanent residence. The argument begin with the best way to approach finding a short term apartment.

Enchante's Plan: I want to research online, find an apartment, put in a deposit and move in as soon as we move to California.

DH's Plan: He wants to move to California, move into temporary lodging, look for an apartment for a couple of weeks then move in. He wants to make sure the area is safe before we rent an apartment.

The compromise should be that we both research apartments, ask one of our friends to find scope out the area then move in when we get to California. My DH doesn't know about this compromise yet because we haven't spoken today but he'll be notified when he calls (just like the Army).

Here Today ... and Gone Tomorrow

2010-02-16T23:16:00.007-05:00

I am back! I have had a tough few weeks including problems with my parents, my sister, and of course my DH. However, most of these things are calming down which in turn causes me less stress and allows my creative juices to flow once more.

So much has happened in the last few weeks. First, my DH and I are moving to California. We have finally received our orders* and my DH has been assigned to be a ROTC recruiting officer. I asked my DH what the job entailed and he said "You know, I just get kids to sign up for ROTC ... and I do whatever else they tell me to do." *blink, blink* Alright honey... whatever you say...

This means that I have to quit my job, find a new job, find an apartment, get someone to adopt my cats, change my drivers license, change all my professional licensure information and move our stuff to California in the next few months.**

***

Second, I am looking to become pregnant. Ahh! Scary! I never thought that I would be ready at 26 to have a child. However, my DH and I are very excited about starting our own family (as are my closest friends... they are more excited about the prospects of my pregnancy than I am). The earliest we could have a baby would be next January ... that is if we get pregnant right away.

As a mental health professional, I can't help but look for signs of PTSD in my DH. The onset of PTSD is usually around six months so we will be waiting a couples months before trying to get pregnant. The first six months will help my DH readjust to life back in the States, allow us to readjust to becoming a married couple and work through any martial redeployment issues that might arise (and they always do).

I will be updating my blog more frequently in the next couple of days so please keeping reading and checking me out!

* See how I said 'our' instead of 'his'? I am really maturing as a military spouse!

** I actually used to work for militaryonesource **** and I seriously learned so much about free military resources. The DOD has a great program called Plan My Move which helps military families plan their next PCS move. I have been using the program and it shows me when I should talk to my transportation department to when I should bring in all my dry cleaning. I love it!

*** I picked an Asian baby instead of the classic blond hair, blue eyed baby. Yes, this has a lot to do with the fact that I am Korean American and because I was tired of seeing Aryan babies photos. I don't know the name of this baby but props to this person.

**** A really great resource for military personnel and spouses. They have information about everything! Call them and they will give you information about everything from buying a house to free counseling sessions for you and your spouse (even kids) for FREE! You can order free books and cds about how to deal with deployments to fiction novels. You can spend HOURS on their website and learn everything about the military. I promise that your military personnel spouse will be asking YOU for information about the military.

A brief hiatus ...

2010-02-02T00:37:00.000-05:00

I am taking a brief hiatus from writing on this blog. I will be back as soon as I have my head on straight again. There is too much going on in my personal life right now. I will be back ... soon.

Birthday Wish List - Over $1000

2010-01-13T00:52:00.003-05:00

As promised, here is my birthday wish list over $1000 (at least...) BTW, most of this stuff is not possible on a government salary!

1. King Size Bed - The Marriott Bed ($2000 +)
My DH and I have been sleeping on a full size bed since we got married (which is a really really difficult task when your spouse is 6'0" at 190 lbs). Two years ago, we stayed at a Marriott Hotel with the world's GREATEST bed. The linens were sooo soft and the bed was so plush and comfortable. I just slept so well that night that I want to recreate that feeling every night!

2. Pride and Prejudice - First Edition ($42,000)
One of my favorite books of all time and I would love to have a library full of first editions. A girl can dream can't she?

3. Lexus SC 2010 (Base MSRP $68,405)

Wow... What a car! I have been in love with this hard-top convertible since I was a teenager. I know that I could ask for something ridiculous (like a Porsche 911 *drool*) but I am being reasonable here. Imagine driving down the coast, with the windows down and the wind in my hair... ::sigh::

4. Mansion

Well, I figured I might as well just list all the things I could ever want in the world... so yeah... I want a mansion. There are both good and bad aspects about owning such a large property, i.e. taxes, cleaning, taxes, maintenance, perhaps too much space, taxes, perhaps the house is haunted... But I would definitely be able to entertain my guests in style... I should probably ask for a handful of domestic workers while I'm at it...

Twitter

2010-01-10T00:23:00.002-05:00

Follow me on Twitter!

Birthday Wish List

2010-01-09T23:07:00.000-05:00

My birthday is coming up soon and I wanted to post my wish list. I had a long conversation with my DH about my birthday gift but I just want you to know that I am not trying to guilt trip him into getting me a gift (he doesn't read this blog on a regular basis anyway).

1. Options Interchangeable Harmony Wood Circular Knitting Needle Set

I just love to knit! I find it really relaxing and a fun way to be creative. I've always wanted some good knitting needles and there are so many great reviews about this set. For only $65, it's a great bargain!

2. 4" Harmony Wood Double Pointed Knitting Needle Set

For what it's worth, if I get the circular knitting set above, I also want the double pointed needle set as well. Great for knitting socks, booties and other little goodies!

3. Ugg - Classic Tall Boot

I am cold all the time (even in the summer!). My nose, ears, fingers, and toes are always the first parts of my body to freeze. I don't have any warm boots for the winter, which is a huge mistake since I live in Pennsylvania. I'm not really into trends but I definitely want a pair of these in black!

4. Perfume

Oh my goodness... I just love perfume! I love how I feel when I have perfume on... and only perfume ... Jk! Seriously, perfume makes me feel sexy. I think this is because I am really attracted to people who smell fantastic as well as having great personalities. My top five are:

Marc Jacobs - Daisy

Issey Miyake - L'eau D'Issey

Vera Wang - The Fragrance

Ralph Lauren - Romance

Thierry Mugler - Angel

Next Post: Gifts I want but are over $1000 (yikes!)

Selfish

2010-01-05T00:49:00.000-05:00

My poor DH. Sometimes I really wonder what he was thinking when he proposed to me. I really do think that he got the short end of the stick. I'm not intentionally putting myself down (trust me, I've got a pretty big ego) but I've got a very long list of faults and yet he still wants to be with me. Maybe he's a bit crazy!

One of my biggest flaws is how selfish I am. Like most couples, my DH and I have loans that we need to pay off before we can consider buying a place of our own. However, I am obsessed about buying a home where we can settle down. Yet, we can't do that until we figure out where my DH will be working permanently after his finishing his MBA. At this point, we don't even have RFO's to our next duty station which we need to move to in April. So I have to quit my job and find a new one, maybe move to the other side of the country and procure an apartment through the internet.

See how selfish I am? I am not thinking about how we should probably be saving money for a better future. I am thinking about how much I want to have children and raise them in a beautifully decorated home where I can entertain friends and live comfortably with my DH. All I can think about is how awful it will be to move to a new place and leave behind my great job, my friends and family.

My DH is always looking out for our future and planning ahead. He is trying to create a life where I could stay at home if I wanted (not that I could... seriously, I might go crazy if I don't work), take care of our future children, be a great homemaker, etc... Me? Yeah, I'm the wife that hasn't sent her spouse a care package in over three months (including the holidays).

"World's Worst Military Spouse"

at your service...

Korean American Couple #2

2010-01-04T00:14:00.003-05:00

My DH and I are an anomaly in the U.S. Army. We're both Korean Americans with strong ties to our cultural background. Throughout the last five and a half years that we have been together, I have never met another Korean American* couple until today.

It was just so strange! Here was another living breathing couple who actually understand the acronym "MiTT" and the words "Kimchi". This couple was stationed in Fort Carson at the same time as my DH and we know people in common separately from my past and from my DH's past (people we met before my DH and I even met one another).

There is a very special bond between each and every military spouse because we can truly understand and sympathize with one another about all the positive and negative aspects of the military. I am really glad that I got a chance to meet D and S today. Just the knowledge that another Korean American military couple exist is amazing to me.

* Now just to be clear, my DH and I have met other Asian couples in the Army. We've also met other Korean couples in the military. However, we have never met another Korean American couple and yes! There is a difference. I identify myself as a first generation Korean American woman for the following reasons: 1. My parents came over to the US from Korea, making me 1st generation**. 2. I was born and educated in the U.S. 3. I speak both Korean and English. However, there is no universal definition that categories you as a "Korean American." The above are my own personal explanations to why I identify myself as KA.

** I know that being born here would mean that I am 2nd generation according to other Americans. However, Koreans do things a bit differently. If you were born and educated in Korea and move to the U.S. as an adult (our parents) you would be identified as Korean. If you were born and educated in Korea as well as the states and moved to the U.S. as a child, you would be identified as a ".5 generation" or a "F.O.B." (fresh off the boat). If you were born and educated in the U.S. to Korean parents or parents of .5 generation, then you are typically considered "1st generation" or Korean American.

My Knitting Project: Preemie Caps + Heart Blanket

2009-12-27T22:02:00.001-05:00

If you ever read my bio (check it out... top left) you would know that I am an avid knitter. I was just chilling at my parent's place tonight and decided to finish my latest projects: A Preemie Cap and a Heart Blanket.

I have seriously been working on the Heart blanket for over 1.5 years. Yes... a year and a half. Why? Because this was one of my first knitting projects. I am such a perfectionist that I started this blanket more than 10 times! Don't believe me? Ask my DH... he'll tell you how I screamed at him each time I made a mistake. I'd rant and rave that he was talking too loudly or that he touched me at a crucial point in my project. I didn't know how to fix any of my mistakes which caused me to pull the entire thing apart and would drive my DH up the wall because he couldn't understand how I could just rip apart an entire afternoon's worth of work!

But I have improved (Thank GOODNESS) and I am finally FINISHING my projects. I hope you guys all enjoy them!

Back Off!

2009-12-13T23:19:00.002-05:00

I need people to stop asking me how I'm doing. My usual response is "I am doing fine. Don't worry about me." That translates into "If you don't stop ****ing asking me about how I'm doing, I'm going to smack you."

How the (bleep) do you think I'm doing?! How would you feel if you were in my shoes? My husband is deployed on his second tour to Iraq, I'm living alone with my two cats. I AM MISERABLE PEOPLE! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR?! Do you really want to hear that I'm having a hard time letting go and that the entire wait is killing me? Do you want to hear that my stress level is so high lately that I'm gaining weight and that I'm breaking out like crazy?! DO YOU?!?! Do you really want to talk to me about how poorly I'm doing and how unhappy I am? No! You don't want to hear the whole story!!!!!!!!!!!

No wonder I burden my friends with talking about him incessantly (I'm sorry R.L.). Seriously! I hate all couples so I like to avoid ALL public places.

Seriously, people. If you don't want to know... PLEASE STOP ASKING ME!!!

My DH is Nick Lachey?

2009-12-13T10:33:00.002-05:00

I just had a very interesting dream. In my dream, my best friend asked me to double date with him. This is where I met my boyfriend, Nick Lachey, an Army officer (go figure...).

According to my dream, I was an underground operative, resisting the powers of the evil government. Now Nick and I were both fighting against this powerful regime and I was in charge of paperwork for some operation. We both load up into our van (we sat all the way in the back while the rest of our team got in) and as he checks my folder of massive paperwork, insisting that something is missing. I start to panic and quickly double check everything when Nick announces that he has the missing paperwork.

When I turn around to face him, he is holding out a little clear plastic bag with the words "Clear Sky Jewelry" etched on the front. In the midst of all the tissue paper lies a little velvet box. I immediately start freaking out and hyperventilating as he asks me if I would marry him!

The ring is beautiful... a vintage style ring with a huge diamond in the middle and tiny little pearls surrounding the stone yet some of the pearls were missing. I am floored and completely speechless as he explains that the ring belonged to his Great Grandmother and has been passed down for generations which accounts for the missing gems. He promises me that he would have the pearls replaced after a year.

I am delighted none-the-less (I mean it's Nick Lachey....!) and nod happily at the notion that we will get married. At this point I asked him why it would take him a year to get the ring repaired. In the midst of making out with him... I realize that he has been caught by the government for illegal activities against them and he would have to go to prison for a year. He was proposing to me while en route to the courthouse....

Of course this is when I woke up. I'm pretty sure that Nick Lachey is suppose to be the representation of my DH. The proposal that I received from my DH was absolutely amazing; although I did have an inkling that it was coming. Nick's proposal was a complete surprise and it was nice to see what that felt like.

Now, the fact that Nick was going to prison... I attribute to this to the fact that this is how it felt to have my DH deploy to Iraq. The Ring? Well, my DH's going away present was my awesome blackberry storm... The paperwork... Argh... my DH is a freak about making sure I am always prepared and double checks everything that I do.

Ah... that was a good night's rest ... even though I technically dream cheated on my DH....

Boudoir Photos

2009-12-13T02:56:00.001-05:00

A very close friend of mine is a professional photographer. Her work is pretty amazing. Feel free to check her out at :Triple 8 Photography. If you're in the Albuquerque area and interested in finding someone to take beautiful photos of you, she's your girl!

We were talking today about how many people ask her for boudoir photos. She explained that many people now take boudoir pictures for their future husband-to-be. They order albums that they present to their Fiance on the day of their wedding (talk about something to look forward too!).

Knowing that my DH is not reading my blog, I am considering getting some done for him. Boudoir photos are not necessarily erotic (unless you want them to be...) but can be done very tastefully. I think there might be some rule about how explicit materials are not allowed to be shipped to deployed soldiers... also, the mail is checked before your soldier receives his packages. But I'm not worried about other soldiers looking through any photos that I send my DH as long as they like what they see =P

Seriously, though. I think I'd like to get some photos and send them to my husband before he comes back from his deployment.... so that he has something to look forward to. What does everyone else think?

Army Navy 2009

2009-12-12T16:59:00.001-05:00

I will be updating soon... hopefully with good news.... never mind... that was depressing....

Silent Treatment

2009-12-11T18:49:00.002-05:00

My DH and I are fighting. I am giving him the silent treatment. This means that my phone has been turned off and my email has not been read since Sunday.

There are many times when my DH has stated that I do not present him in the best light on this blog. However, I think that there are times when I present him in as the world's best military husband. This is not the reason why we're fighting.

It is not my intention to put my DH down. We are not the world's most perfect couple; we definitely have our share of marital problems. My DH is deployed and this makes our relationship complicated in ways that are completely different from a civilian marriage. So, please don't give me any advice or opinion unless you really understand my situation or empathize with what I am going through. If not, I will rip your comment apart if I deem it even remotely stupid.

Now, I don't want comments that tell me that giving him the silent treatment is bad for our marriage. Really, I'm a full time family therapist; I'm not stupid. However, if I were to speak to him right now, I would not be able to do so in a calm or rational manner.

Perhaps when I am no longer angry (I have no idea when this will be) I will update more frequently. Right now, I am extremely unhappy about being a military spouse (which makes my blog name even more significant).

I wish...

2009-12-08T16:34:00.001-05:00

I wish I were married to a marine.

If I am wishing for anything, I wish were married to a civilian. Then I wouldn't have to deal with this s***** deployment.

My Divided Heart

2009-12-04T01:26:00.000-05:00

During the end of our R&R time, I experience a wide array of emotions regarding my DH going back to the sandbox.

My DH told me that he wanted to actually go back to Iraq during this time and this information really hit me hard. My first thought was "WTF... he wants to leave me? He's rather be in Iraq than be with me?"

Now I don't know how many of you out there know this but I am SUPER FUN. I can liven up a party with one smile and I am full of fun and interesting facts! Alright, seriously. Most people find me pretty entertaining (mostly because they laugh AT me).

So I was really hurt by his words. He explained that he wanted to go back because it was his duty, because of our financial goals, because he knew that he didn't have a choice. But, I know that if he had a choice of staying home or going back to Iraq, he definitely would consider going back and finishing his tour.

I feel as though I must reiterate this important fact. I am REALLY fun be around. I cook, I clean (neurotic clean), I watch ESPN (even though I seriously hate it), I try my hardest not to nag, I play video games, I am great in bed (oh you knew this was coming), etc... What would even make him consider finishing his tour!

Alright, I know I shouldn't take it personally but sometimes you can't help that way. Being apart from one another is really difficult and I would really want my DH to choose me over everything else on this earth. However, I realized that he wants to finish his mission; I can recognize how important his military duty is to him.

Although it logically all makes sense, I wish my heart would follow my mind...

My Dear Husband

2009-11-26T01:00:00.000-05:00

I realized that when I refer to my husband as "my DH" many people might confuse this with his real initials. When I refer to him as "my DH" I mean "my dear husband."

After reading my blog, my DH loved his new nickname and started referring to me as his "DW" or "dear wife." Now in no way am I staking any physical claim to him. I love my DH and there are times when I can become a *little* controlling.... but he is his own man, with the freedom to do whatever he chooses to do!

Twilight ... New Moon movie (not a review)

2009-11-23T01:32:00.000-05:00

Before my DH went back to the sandbox, he requested that I go and watch the new Twilight movie with my friends. We watched the first Twilight movie together only after my DH told me that he was interested. Being crazy, I told him that I would only watch the movie if I read the book. I went and picked up a copy of the book from my closest bookstore and finished within several hours. I became completely obsessed and read the next three books in four days. In the end, I hated the series (the reason why will be posted in a future blog).

My DH called today and asked me if I had found anyone to watch "New Moon" with me. I argued that I only wanted to watch the movie with him and that I would wait the six months so that we could watch the movie together. My DH was insistent that I watched without him and we came up with a compromised; My DH would wait off on watching the movie if I couldn't find anyone to watch the movie with me within the week. Another condition was that I must sincerely try to find people to watch with me.

At this point, it felt as though he wanted to watch the movie so much that he was going out of the way to make sure that I would watch the movie (Just read the book!). But, I gave in and convinced two of my friends to join me in watching the movie.

However, a part of me understands that my DH wants me to go out and start hanging out with my friends instead of staying at home and moping around. He sincerely wants me to be more sociable and keep my mind off this deployment through social interactions.

Another part of me also wanted to see this movie because my DH had requested that watch. A part of me wants to do all the things that he's asked of me. For some odd reason, it helps me feel closer to him. I know that having watched this movie will genuinely make him happy.

I am glad that I was able to go and spend some time not thinking about my spouse (mmm... this could go either way...). I think I definitely needed the distraction.... Thanks to my friends RL and JHK.

Deployment Blues

2009-11-20T10:42:00.003-05:00

As many of you know, I am a social worker in the PA area. The trouble with my job is that I tend to psychoanalyze just about everyone I meet (What a job hazard)! Seriously, even the girl at the cash register in my local grocery store; I start to wonder what her childhood was like, what she's doing working at the grocery store, what problems are going on with her social, family and emotional life.

If I am able to psychoanalyze the girl at behind the counter, I am definitely going to apply this to my own life. In short, I am grieving about the loss of my DH for a short while (another six months). Many therapists use the Kubler-Ross Model that goes through the five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Mind you, you go through these five stages before and after a loss. You can also regress or even skip a step depending on how you grieve.

Here is my depiction of the last few days:

*As I am reading through this little cartoon, I realized that there are a billion grammatical mistakes. I don't have the time now to go through all of these so please forgive me and I promise to fix them later! Thanks!

My next topic: The Emotional Cycle of Deployment guidelines written by the U.S. Army vs the Kubler-Ross Cycle! More to come!

Back to reality....

2009-11-18T22:26:00.000-05:00

The last two weeks were absolutely fabulous! My DH and I truly enjoyed our time together; gourmet and cozy bed and breakfast in PA and a gorgeous views and fantastic weather in Jamaica.

Here is an interesting fact: every time my DH leaves to go to Iraq, I am sick! During his first deployment I had a small cold, when he left after R&R I had a severe cold. When he left for his second deployment, I had another severe cold and this time I had a bout of the flu and cold. So I physically get sicker and sicker every time he leaves... I wonder if it's psychological....

Anyone else have this problem??

Too Many Husbands....

2009-11-07T20:02:00.000-05:00

There are not many things in the world that beats sleepily waking up next to a warm and cozy body. Mmm.... Luckily my DH is back for R&R and we have been spending our most of our mornings in bed (this is my way of making all of you jealous...).

So I was extremely perplexed when I received a message from my DH's rear detachment unit, two days after my DH came back, informing me that my husband would be coming home in the next few days. I immediately called the operator (Debbie) back at Fort Riley to clear up this mistake.

When Debbie picked up the phone and I gave her my information, she went on to congratulate me on my DH's return home. I graciously accepted her thanks but told her that my DH had been home for two days and she answered "So, he missed the re-deployment ceremony?"

Now, I was really confused! I informed her that my DH was back home for R&R, not coming home permanently. As Debbie checked the Army database she found out that there was another soldier on post who shares the exact same name as my DH! This man came back to Fort Riley right around the same time as my DH was coming home for R&R. Somehow, the databased had wiped out the other soldiers' Point of Contacts (POC's) and decided to just list me as his wife!

As I was telling my DH about this interesting situation, he grinned and slyly asked me if I got married to another man while he was deployed. I jokingly told him I had but that I divorced him before he came back. To this my DH replied "Then, perhaps you should ask him for alimony." Lol... hilarious...

R&R

2009-11-02T20:14:00.002-05:00

My DH is home for R&R! Yay! Will see you all in two weeks!

The Time Traveler's Wife - The Movie

2009-10-30T01:09:00.000-04:00

I read the book The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger a while ago just for fun. I actually thought the book was well written and had a very interesting concept. It did drag a little in the middle but picked back up when Henry (main character) met his daughter Alba for the first time. I enjoyed the read and it comes highly recommended from me.

However, I hadn't had a chance to see the movie until tonight. What I realized is that this is absolutely the WORST movie to see while your spouse is deployed. What a MISTAKE! Holy Crap. I feel like the time traveler's wife. I feel like my husband comes and goes, in and out of my life (although I usually have an idea of when he's going and for how long. I also know when he's coming back...roughly). But WOW... I feel as like "Clare" sometimes, forever waiting for my husband to come back home.

Oh my goodness, all I have to say is if you're significant other is away from you right now ... read the book but definitely don't watch the movie. My heart is pounding a million miles a minute right now... I am definitely really emotional and I think I might just cry....

"You know You're a Military Spouse ..."

2009-10-25T20:05:00.001-04:00

.... when your favorite couch throw is a 'woobie.'

Now I don't know if other military branches issue a "woobie" but the army certainly does! What is a "woobie?" It is actually a poncho liner made from nylon with a polyester filling. Your "woobie" provides just the right amount of warmth in cool weather. Many soldiers use it as an extra blanket, a sleeping bag, or a throw blanket for their living room.

Although there are so many beautiful throws blankets out there, many military families prefer their "woobies." Perhaps because it is so lightweight and comfortable. Perhaps because we don't want to invest the $50 to buy a nice hotel luxury heavyweight chenille throw (ahh...). Or perhaps because the "woobie" is machine washable, durable and pet friendly. Yes, it's definitely a bit tacky but nylon just feels so good against your skin!

My "woobie" is currently in the sandbox with my DH. Sometimes, I think that I should have fought harder to keep our "woobie" at home...

I can not sleep without...

2009-10-25T19:49:00.000-04:00

I am a very light sleeper. I wake up every time my DH shifts in the bed, snores, makes funny whining noise (oh wait... that's me!) etc... I am also extremely sensitive to sunlight. Once the sun hits my face, my biological clock tells me that it time to wake up, no matter how unreasonably early it might be (you know... eight is early!).

Since purchasing my sleep mask, I have slept like a baby all night long. I seriously will not sleep well without my mask. The mask is gentle, breathable and block out all the light in the morning. I feel more rested and alert after sleeping with my sleep mask.

However, I have this tendency of losing things... all the time. There are times when I have lost my sleep mask for a couple of nights at a time, desperately searching throughout the apartment trying to find it. In total, I have three different sleep masks because of this particular ... ah... problem.

So don't blame your bed, the pillows, or the sheets if you're not getting good night's sleep*; Just buy a sleep mask!

*Alright fine. It might be your squeaky bed, your flat pillows and your crappy sheets. But it doesn't hurt to try the sleep mask!

Hello Kitty Underwear

2009-10-23T00:09:00.001-04:00

Does anyone have any ideas on how I can convince my DH to wear the following?

When I was in high school, my nickname was Hello Kitty (something about how pale I was and the pigtails...). Since then, I've always loved Hello Kitty products (although I've given them up since I've gotten married). I was looking online for the newest Hello Kitty products when I came across this pair of underwear. I can't seem to find where they are selling these though...

Oh my goodness! I NEED TO GET THIS CORSET! Lol... if only they sold this at Fredericks!

Tired of Sleeping Alone

2009-10-22T22:33:00.001-04:00

I am tired of sleeping alone.

Yes, I am very lucky to be married to a wonderful and loving husband.

Even though our bed is woefully tight at times...

I am sick of going to bed by myself.

No, my cats don't count.

"You know You're a Military Spouse ..." Series

2009-10-21T20:45:00.002-04:00

I am starting a new "You know you're a military spouse if ..." series. Why? Probably because I am running out of topics of military related issues. It is becoming increasingly difficult to write about personal problems regarding the military when I live way off-post and my DH is deployed.

Our topic of today: You know you're a military spouse ... when you can't remember the last four digits of your social security number.

This happens to me all the time! I have memorized my social security number since my senior year of high school. I wrote it down hundreds of time since then for college applications, transcriptions, medical records, job applications, etc... Yet, ever since I got married, there are times when I have to take a moment before answering the USAA bank operator.

If you ask for my DH's social security number, I can rattle it off in my sleep. When I am asked for my own SSN, I get confused and mix up the numbers! Completely ridiculous.

Upcoming R&R

2009-10-20T23:03:00.000-04:00

After approximately 1 million hours of intensive and comprehensive research, I have finally finalized the plans for our upcoming R&R.

My DH and I will be spend our first couple of nights at a cozy Pennsylvania B&B; this room includes a King-sized bed, two-person whirlpool bath and gas fireplace. Then we will be travelling to Jamaica! 4.5 star hotel, white beaches, free-alcoholic beverages and butler service for five nights and six days. Come home again and spend some quality time with our two cute and adorable cats. I am so excited and I can't wait!

Care Packages

2009-10-18T23:41:00.002-04:00

Since I no longer live on or near a military post/base/camp (lol...) and because my DH is deployed, topics of why I am a terrible military spouse are becoming a bit scarce. However, there are always something to write about.

Care Packages. I hate sending care packages. Not because I don't love my husband! It honestly has nothing to do with that at all! It's because I always get a huge box and I start to run out of stuff to put into them. I also have trouble finding good care package items.

All those "lists" have items like Gatorade mixes, beef jerky and toiletries. However, my DH never wants me to send him any of those things. Last time, he asked for tuna, nuts, microwaveable rice, cup ramen, headphones, a korean-english dictionary, a mixed cd, movies, and workout gloves. If my DH had not sent me this list, I would have ended up giving him twenty bags of goldfish snacks and a pair of dumbbells!

My poor DH doesn't get a care package from me very often. He got one every two to three weeks the first time he was deployed whether or not he asked for one. Yet, I have only sent my husband packages when he's asked for them during this deployment. I have also not sent as many handwritten letters as I had the first time around.

Is this laziness? Lack of motivation? I'm not sure if I truly want to dig too much deeper into my own psyche and try to find the underlying reason for my behavior. I think I'm just going to blame it on the fact that I truly am the world's worst military spouse =D.

I love my DH

2009-10-13T19:53:00.000-04:00

My DH said that I was making him look like the bad guy on my blog. So I just want you to know... I love you! I miss you terribly and can't wait for R&R so that we can spend some quality time with one another. Muah!

The Re-deployment Ceremony

2009-10-12T00:05:00.009-04:00

Recently, another blogger Bethany shared about how anxious she is about waiting for her fiancee to come home. I was in her shoes only a couple of years ago. Just thinking about her at home, patiently waiting for her man to come back, really pushed me to write about my own experience of my DH's re-deployment*.

At the time, my DH was stationed out of Fort Carson,Colorado; the beautiful and majestic mountain post. This was his first deployment to Iraq and he was scheduled to come back to the states on the 31st of December**. I was living in Philadelphia area at the time, finishing up my masters degree, working a part-time job, interning at behavioral/mental clinic, and planning a wedding. However, I felt that time was just dragging her feet. I was so excited about seeing my DH for the first time in 9 months but also so nervous about what it would be like to finally have him home. I wondered what it would be like to hug him and kiss him. I daydreamed about my outfit and spent hours meticulously planning the perfect one. When I finally bought my airplane ticket to Colorado, I prayed that his unit would come soon so that I wouldn't miss his re-deployment ceremony or miss him altogether!

I didn't sleep the night before my plane left Philadelphia (it was also a six am flight). When I finally landed in Colorado, I was greeted by my DH's friend Jon and we left to meet his parents. Jon was in the same unit as my DH but came in a few days earlier. His parents were still in town so the four of us went to check in on post around 2:00 PM.

When I stepped into that huge hanger/auditorium/basketball court, I was really jittery! They had put up balloons, a huge American flag on the wall and people were waiting around, excitedly talking to one another. I walked in a little bit further and came onto a desk. The person behind the desk asked "What unit is your service member in ma'am?" At the preciese moment, my mind completely went blank. I seriously could not remember what unit my DH was in. I must have given her this weird face because she looked at me with an expression of extreme disappointment and annoyance. Thankfully, Jon was there, so he answered her question. However, she told us that my DH's flight had been delayed and that his unit's ceremony would start at 6:00 PM.

So there was nothing much that I could do for the next few hours but wait. Jon and his parents went to go grab some lunch but I was too nervous to eat. There was another re-deployment ceremony at 3:00 PM and I wanted to watch it before my DH came (so that I could prepare myself). I told them that I would save them seats and waved them goodbye.

The first re-deployment ceremony was simple and brief. Over 200 soldiers stood in front of a large audience longingly waiting for the ceremony to be over so that they could see their families. I could see little children were crying out when they recognized their father or mother in the sea of faces and family members holding them back until the end. When the general finally yelled "Dismissed," you saw a flood of soldiers running to be hugged by their loved ones and tears freely flowing down everyone's faces. Children ran to their parents, yelling "I missed you." It is honestly a moment that I can never forget.

I tried very hard to keep my tears back as I watched these families being reunited with one another. Slowly, the families dispersed out of the hanger and I was left alone to wait for the 6:00 ceremony. Jon and his parents came back to around 5:30 and we sat around waiting for the ceremony to begin. Twice, someone came up to the podium to apologize for the delay and we did not see our soldiers walking in through the big double doors until 7:30 PM.

I numbly sat through the National Anthem, the speech, the singing of the Army song, waiting for my DH to be released. Throughout the entire 15 minute ceremony, I searched through every face of the 200+ men and women, trying desperately to find my DH. When the soldiers were finally dismissed, I was panicked because neither Jon, his parents nor I could find him through the chaos of reuniting families.

About two minutes when by when Jon pointed towards the right side of the hanger and said "Hey! Isn't that him? He looks tall, dark and Asian!" I turned my head so quickly to the place the he was pointing to that I almost had a severe case of whiplash. However, the man that Jon was pointing to turned out to be another tall, dark and Asian man (what are the odds?).

Several more minutes went by and finally I spotted my DH in the middle of the hanger; his head was hanging low and he looked very forlorn. I shoved my video camera into Jon's hand, ran down the bleachers, weaved through a million people,and when I finally reached my soldier, he gave me a surprised look and a great big ole smile as he took me into his arms.

My DH tried to kiss me but I told him that we couldn't because we were being videotaped (I didn't think our parents wanted to see us make out)***. From the moment I said these words, I began to earnestly cry. I was so thankful and grateful to God to allowing him to come home safely. The deployment had really tested the strength of our relationship and taken a toll on both of us but we were finally together again.

*Re-deployment: how stupid is this word? It's really confusing for civilians and military spouses (like me). The words makes it sound like you're going to another deployment, not coming back from one.

** My DH's deployment was extended from the original 12 months to a 15 month deployment. George W. Bush signed a bill that would give soldiers an extra $1000 bucks for each month after their 12 month initial deployment date. Technically, the military had to pay soldiers the extra money for each DAY that they were on their deployment; so if the soldier came back on the 1st of January the soldiers would be entitled to the extra $1000 bonus. He came home on the 31st of December and not the first of January because the military did not want to pay him an extra $1000. I personally would have given the $3000 back to have my DH come home three months early.

*** I watched the video tape afterwards and you can see me pointing towards Jon and his parents. This was the moment when I told him that we couldn't just make out because I thought our families + Jon would be grossed out my our intimate moment!

"I was away for too long..."

2009-10-08T23:43:00.000-04:00

Military relationships are notorious for producing affairs. There are so many stories of military relationships failing due to one or both parties falling prey to their own physical and emotional desires. Honestly, can you blame someone for having an affair when their partners are away for months at a time? No, How about if the deployed service member ignores his/her partner and doesn't keep in touch their their partner at home? What if the deployed service member is the one conducting the affair?

What bothers me the most is that servicemembers are not responsible for their actions while they are away from home*. The servicemember's partner get more heat (especially if they live on post) about the infidelity because they failed their partner who were serving overseas, putting their lives on the line.

An affair is the product of BOTH parties. The lack of communication, laziness in martial duties, decrease commitment towards one another increases the likelihood of extramarital relations. The phrase "I was away for too long" is an excuse for the lack of effort.**

*Alright, I'm not stupid. I know that there are consequences for the servicemember as well. Yes, you would be violating the Uniform Code of Military Justice. When there is sufficient proof that the affair took place then punishments range from a simple reprimand to a court-martial. In this blog, I just want to highlight the extra blame and guilt the non-deployed or civilian spouse suffer because of their mistake.

** Please note: this post is really just a rant and simplified version of the infidelity argument. So please, don't bash my post... too much!

"I'll make it up to you, I promise!"

2009-10-07T23:17:00.011-04:00

How many times have you heard this phrase from your significant other? "I'll make it up to you, I promise!" I hate hearing these words from my DH. I mean I've heard it so many times! "I have to go into work early" or "I have to stay at work late" or "I can't fly out this weekend because of a training" or my favorite, "we have to go to this hail and farewell" etc. There is nothing he can do to make up the precious moments (years really) that the military takes away from our personal lives. Sometimes I seriously wonder what he could possibly do to make it up and it's not even his fault (well, I guess he did make the choice to join the military).

Well, I didn't get to choose who I fell in love with*. There are many times when I feel stuck by the limited and crappy choices that the military gives us and we just have to make the best of an awful situation.

I have to admit that I haven't personally heard this phrase in a while. Not because there isn't an issue that would require my husband to feel guilty but I honestly think it's because I've just learned to stop complaining about the military.

One of the ways that my DH is planning on "making it up to me" spending our upcoming R&R time at a faraway bech. Yet, I have to wonder, is it worth it? Would I rather spend two glorious weeks on a beautiful resort with my husband who will pamper with me with massages and great food once a year or would I prefer to be with him day in and day out even though it means that we might get into more arguments because we would have more time to interact with one another?

Honestly, I would pick the latter and save the "make it up to me's." Besides, the sad thing about it is... after the hundreds of times that he's told me this, this seems to be the FIRST time he is making it up to me. A bit unfair, don't ya think?

* I don't want to hear "oh, but you did have a choice." No, I did not! So shut it.

Frederick's of Hollywood

2009-10-03T01:56:00.001-04:00

The King of Prussia Mall is largest mall on the East Coast and I am lucky enough to live 15 minutes away! This place has over 400 stores including Tiffany's, Cartier, Bloomingdale's, Nordstrom, and of course, Louis Vuitton.

I was at the mall with my friend when we decided to stop by Frederick's of Hollywood. For those who don't know, Fredrick's of Hollywood sells very sexy lingerie. Right now, they have the sexiest Halloween costumes at affordable prices. As I looked around, I saw these cute corsets and I had to try them on.

I have always wanted to buy a tie up corset but I was afraid. I didn't know if someone with my body could look good... even sexy, in something so skimpy. However, all I can say is that corsets really show off all the curves of your body! Even if your body shape is less than perfect, a corset will produce curves in all the right places. When I sat down in my corset, I immediately noticed that my posture improves because the boning forces you to sit up straight.

Guess my DH has something to look forward to when he comes home =D

*Enchante*

Trader Joe's

2009-10-01T21:49:00.005-04:00

I know that many of you live on post so you probably shop at the commissary. However, I must write a plug-in for Trader Joe's! What a great store; the food is of terrific quality, the workers are so friendly and the prices are great.

They carry everything there. Looking for olives? How about some Soy IceCream? They even have Korean BBQ ribs for $7.99 a bag (perhaps not worth it for me, since I can make my own). Need to buy gluten-free flour? How about vegan meatballs? Kosher items? Low Sodium? They even have their own brand of pet products including doggie bones and cat kibble. They have sushi, a large assortment of cheese, granola, and even cuts of meat! There is no need to go to your local grocery store.

Around the holidays they stock up on the "Peppermint JoJo's." They are the Trader Joe's version of the oreo, with crushed peppermint candy mixed into the cream. They are so delicious! As my DH knows, I am in love with all this peppermint (shampoo, soap, and definitely the candy).

So please check out their website: Trader's Joes. Find a store near you!

Criticism

2009-10-01T00:06:00.000-04:00

So my husband wanted to comment on my Korean wives post (the one I wrote several days ago). Apparently there is something wrong with my post but I have no idea what it is because I asked my DH not to tell me. I was in a really bad mood today and I didn't think that I could handle listening to his criticism.

Criticism vs Concern: Criticism is when you disapprove through the expression of fault or shortcoming. A concern is an interest where you express what is important to you or affects you. I hear his comment towards my blog entry as a criticism. Yes, I understand that he cares about me and he wants me to get the facts straight. However, this is due to my obvious shortcoming (in his opinion) about my knowledge surrounding the topic of other military Korean wives. ::sigh:: maybe he's right but honestly, I don't want to hear it. I am extremely shy about my writing and I did not ask for a critique on my writing style or the subjects that I am writing about.

I feel judged by my DH's comments. I guess in my head, I just always want to be right and perfect in his eyes. Yet, when I don't live up to that expectation (because of something he said) then the insecurities begin to fester inside me. I begin to question everything he is says to me; minutely analyzing each sentence, trying to figure out if there is a hidden meaning behind his words.

I guess it's important to me that my DH finds me well informed and educated about many different topics. I want to please my DH by showing off my intelligence. Craziness huh? Pretty insecure you say? I am ok with it. I'd rather be completely honest about myself.

*Enchante*

5 Year Anniversary

2009-09-30T00:01:00.008-04:00

Today is my five year anniversary! I can just see it now; my DH is shaking his head at me from 5,000 miles away....

Alright, so our wedding anniversary is in June but today marks the first day we decided to date. This is incredible for me for I have a huge fear of commitment (I also have trust issues but that's another subject altogether). My DH has stated that he no longer wants to celebrate this day because he just wants to focus on our wedding anniversary. However, it's difficult for me to let this day go because it proves (in a weird way) how much I love my husband.

For the last five years, I have dated the same man. I've changed and aged so much but yet my DH continues to love me. I think that's incredible (for me anyway). To my DH - hunnie, even if you don't want to celebrate this day, I'm going to continue to remember this day in some fashion for the rest of my life. So next year, don't forget to get me a gift =D

*these are the earrings that match the necklace that my DH got me for our first year anniversary

*Enchante*

Army Football

2009-09-28T14:34:00.001-04:00

I love the Army, Black Knights, Football team. I do. I really really do.

I don't care about the NY Giants or the Jets (even though I'm from NY originally). Both my undergraduate and graduate education did not have a football team, so I didn't really have a team to root for... until I got married! So I adopted and embraced the Army Football team as my own.

I've watched them play for the last five years and each year has been more and more heartbreaking. They are terrible! No, seriously, they really suck. They have lost the Army Navy Game SEVEN years in a row ... 7! Last year, they lost the game 34 to 0. They couldn't put ONE lousy point up on the board. Of course, this was the year that I went to the game with my friends and DH* ... while sitting on the Navy sideline.

From 2003-2004, Army lost 13 games in a row! That means that fans did not see a win for over a year! However, they are 2-2 this season (thank goodness) and they will be coming to Philadelphia on the 17th of October, to fight against Temple University.

My plans are as follows: 1. Wearing my army shirt, army sweatshirt and my new army pullover with my army earrings! 2. Bringing a posterboard that says "Go Army, Beat Temple" and make a fool out of myself. 3. Bring a camera, so that we can record my hilarious behavior. Then I will proceed to sent it to my deployed DH.

Anyone else interested in joining me? If not, tell me about your crazy sports obsessions!

Why I love being a Military Spouse ... sometimes!

2009-09-27T01:32:00.003-04:00

Last Sunday, a close friend and I made the trek from my house all the way to Fort Dix. This was the first time my friend had been a military base, let alone a PX, and I knew that she would be delighted with the discounted prices.

We were just chilling and looking at different perfumes when the makeup lady at the Shiseido counter made eye contact with us and started to chat us up. As soon as she found out we spoke Korean, her face lit up and rapidly began to tell us about all the new products that Shiseido carried. Soon we both ended up purchasing the "Pureness Start Up Kit" which comes with the following products:

From top to bottom: Pureness Deep Cleansing Foam, Pureness Balancing Softener, Pureness Matifying Moisturizer (Oil-Free)

As I was purchasing the start-up kit, I was really starting to regret my decision. I really felt pressured into buying the product because the makeup counter lady was so nice to me and because she tried so hard to convince me about the product, I just could not refuse her! For $27 bucks, was the kit really, truly worth it?

So I went home that night thinking "this bad boy better work..." and went into the bathroom to see the miraculous effects that the makeup lady promised me and my friend. After I removed all my make up, I used the deep cleansing foam all over my face. I followed the directions on the label (concentric circles) and washed my face off. Strangely enough, this foam really seemed to help my oily skin. What I mean to say is that the foam literally SUCKED the oil off my face.

So far so good. Next, I dried my face and used a cotton round to apply the Balancing Softener. This left my skin feeling very clean and red free (like using toner). Nothing too special here. Then I proceed to the final step: Matifying Moisturizer. This moisturizer absorbed into the face and my skin felt dry after one application.

The results: after using these products for almost a week, I have noticed a HUGE difference in my skin. My skin is sooo soft! As soft as a baby's bottom (I mean that literally). I never thought that my skin could go back to the way it was more than 10 years ago. However, I am truly grateful to the pushy makeup counter lady because she was right, my skin looks and feels years younger. I love that I was able to purchase the start up kit for only $27 vs. $50+ at the local mall. Yes, sometimes being a military spouse definitely has it's perks!

So the next time you're at the PX, please check out the Shiseido MakeUp Counter. The products are definitely worth your notice.

*Enchante*

Commissary

2009-09-26T01:51:00.000-04:00

Since my husband has been deployment, I rarely go to the commissary*. When I lived VA, I went to the commissary a couple of times a week. The prices were great, the people were nice and I could always find the items on my grocery list.

Although the closest commissary is about an hour away from the house, the distance is not the reason why I refuse to go back to the commissary. The real reason are the Korean workers. Alright, so this may sound racist to you but I assure you that this is not my intent, so please read on.

These women married soldiers during the Korean War and were rejected by their families and rejected by the American society. In all sincerity, I applaud these women; They have followed their husbands to a new country and tried to assimilate into a new world and culture. Many of them still struggle to grasp a new language and have suffered the last thirty years in silence against some husbands who have been extremely controlling and suppressive towards their wives.

Now, if you can imagine this following scene: I am a twenty five year old, Korean American army spouse. I speak Korean fluently as well as English and I am happily married to my DH, who is also Korean American. (Read: Young, Korean American, who married another Korean American and speaks fluent English). When I walk into the Commissary, many older Korean wives are startled by my presence. As I'm in the check out line, many wives as me if I'm Korean, they they ask me if I speak Korean and then they ask me if I'm from Korea. Sometimes, they greet me with happy and excited faces when I explain my situation but most of the time, I get jealous looks from these wives.

I was lucky enough to marry another Korean American man, someone who understand my cultural background. I don't have any trouble working the Army system because I am fully able to understand and comprehend English. I am lucky enough to have received my masters degree in social work and I am able to work outside of the home, in a career field that I have chosen. I am not limited to working at the Commissary because I have no other choice. I feel extremely awkward around these women because I am fully aware of how privileged I am compared to them. There seems to be some invisible hierarchy and without my knowledge I have somehow reached the top of that ladder.

So to my many Military Korean Wives sisters ... please, do not treat me differently. Please treat me as your equal; just another military spouse who struggles with the daily disappointments and happiness of this military life.

*Enchante*

*The commissary is the military version of the grocery store.

About Enchante

2009-09-26T01:15:00.000-04:00

Earlier today, I was browsing through some articles that outlined how you can get more people to read your blog. In one of the articles I read, they suggested that I give more personal information about myself to my readers ... so here goes.

I am a twenty five year old, Korean American, Christian, social worker. I am the oldest of two daughters and I got married in June of 2008. My husband is a solider in the Army and is currently deployed on a MiTT to Iraq. I strive to be supportive towards my husband's career although I complain a lot about how much I hate his job. I currently reside in the suburbs of Philadelphia and I love to go out and spending quality time with friends, especially to new restaurants.

Interests include knitting, reading, blogging, surfing the web for useless information, watching extremely addicting Korean dramas, playing board games, supporting Army Football, playing football, soccer, and lacrosse, baking delicious desserts (especially cookies), and spending time with my two cats.

I love to blog because it helps me to release some of the stress of being alone and miserable while I patiently wait for my husband to return home. This way, I don't have to complain directly to my husband (he can just read it online!).

*Enchante*

Mile High IceCream Pie

2009-09-23T23:06:00.000-04:00

My work partner and I had a couple of hours to spare so we decided to go to Applebee's and snack on some appetizers. We were looking over the menus when we saw a picture of this delicious looking dessert... decadent, peanut buttery, chocolate ice cream with an Oreo crust and whipped cream top.

I mean... could you give this up? The temptation was too much for both of us and we DIVED into this chocolaty deliciousness. As I was stuffing my face, I started to feel guilty because I wasn't able to share this dessert with my DH (not that he would eat it... he's on a diet, the fatty =P). But I was feeling sad because we weren't able to share something so simple as a plate of dessert because he's so far away. I feel cheated out of the quality time that I am able to spend with him in this lifetime. Sure, it's only a year but it's a year more than the civilians who get to spend all their time with one another. It's 365 days more than the other military spouses who are lucky enough to have their partners at home.

I honestly thought about the math in this way: If another military spouse and I got married on the same day, and everyone died on the same day, then she would have gotten to spend one more year with their spouse than I got to spend with my DH. I know, it's a bit morbid but I guess I just calculated in this way because it helps to illustrate my jealously.

I definitely think that I should just stop eating desserts because the guilt of not being able to share it with my spouse will help me from gaining anymore weight!

*Enchante*

Car Trouble

2009-09-20T21:59:00.000-04:00

As I was driving back from Fort Dix, my check engine light came on ... so naturally, I started to freak out! I know nothing about cars. So the first thing I wanted to do was call my DH ... oh wait! He's deployed, never mind. So instead of getting upset that I have to get up early and take my car to the nearest dealership/mechanic, I starting getting upset with my DH.

I was upset that he wasn't here in the states so that he can fix the car. Since he's the male, he's the one that's suppose to fix these sort of problems. Then I had to hit myself over the head... what? I can't take care of a car problem without a man? What I'm really upset with is the fact that he's not home and I'm feeling lonely. I am a strong, independent woman and I don't need my DH to take care of the car issues!

I was upset with my deployed husband?! What the heck is wrong with me?

*Enchante*

Why I am the World's Worst Military Spouse

2009-09-20T03:02:00.001-04:00

Today, I realized that I am the world's worst military spouse. I knew that this day would be unavoidable and now it is finally here. Why am I the world's worst military spouse you ask? Well, there are so many different reasons but I will share only one in this particular blog.

I spent the whole morning cleaning my apartment (top to bottom) and decided to take a shower when I received a phone call from a random stranger named "Candy." Candy's husband has just deployed to Iraq on a *MiTT (Military Transition Team) like my own Dear Husband (DH) and wanted to set up a meeting time and date for all the local family members who also have deployed soldiers on MiTT. Although my husband deployed out of Fort Riley, Kansas, I currently reside near a large Metropolitan city on the East Coast of the U.S.

As we talked about the posts that we have visited and lived in, she shared a story about a Captain's wife who was so devoted to the Army, the post and to her husband that she made a website for her husband MiTT members and sent out a monthly newsletter to inform others of the teams progress while deployed.

Now, I will be frank with all of you. Not only am I not technically savvy enough to build my own website, I am too damn lazy to send out monthly newsletters to other spouses and family members. Perhaps my laziness is due to the knowledge that my DH is not the highest ranking soldier on his team, or perhaps it because I am too tired after my long day as a family therapist. Or perhaps (here comes the truth) I don't really care to get to involved with the Army because I am sick of this deployment and I know that my DH and I won't be in for much longer.

Please don't get me wrong. I support my husband and I support all the soldiers out there (deployed or not). However, I would rather put my face is a huge vat of dead rats than run an FRG meeting. I don't want to get involved in the politics of the military social life, the immature debate of your spouses rank, or become so immersed in the fraternity like culture of the Army that I no longer have an identity as anyone else but a "military spouse."

Today, I am the world's worse military spouse because I am under involved in organizing and assisting others in their attempt to create a more cohesive and supportive military spouse and family involvement in my own neighborhood.

*Enchante*